Disabled isn’t a bad word.

Why I generally don’t use “person-first” language.

Wikipedia defines person-first language as: A linguistic prescription which puts a person before a diagnosis, describing what condition a person has rather than asserting what a person is.
Sounds nice, right? What’s wrong with that? Well, nothing is wrong with that exactly; but it’s not right for everyone.
In my experience, person- first language is only relevant to professionals in the social services and education fields, because those fields require that type of speech. I took Human Services in college, and we were taught to always use person-first language. In my life I had never actually heard it used, so I had a hard time accepting that it was the only way I could address people. In fact, from what I’ve seen in the Autism community, people prefer to use “Autistic”; this is what some call “Identity- first” language. If you’re not trained to use person-first, you’re likely not going to use it, and I believe this happens because it rolls off the tongue easier, and it just makes more sense for a lot of people. For many people who have ASD, it is a part of your identity. Social life, relationships, diet, sleep, education, communication, work, independence, and so much more can be touched by Autism; it can affect the entire family. I recently said to a friend, “I feel like my whole life revolves around Autism” and they completely understood what I meant because they were also in an Autism family. A lot of people do feel defined by their diagnosis, (and if you don’t, good for you, sincerely!).

I believe we shouldn’t get hung up on person-first language because it turns disabled into a bad word. I have always understood it like this, you probably wouldn’t say “my friend has charisma” you would likely say “my friend is charismatic!”. There is no right way or wrong way to say it, but one feels more natural.
You may have read the popular saying that says: “Autism – it’s not a disability, it’s a different ability” or my favourite: “Autism isn’t a disability, it’s a superpower”. I’m not so sure many people on the spectrum would feel superhuman, if they do that’s awesome; however, that is not the case for many individuals. Autism is a disability, and that’s okay! Being disabled isn’t something to be ashamed of, no one chooses to be disabled. If Autism weren’t a disability, there wouldn’t be disability funding for ASD. There wouldn’t be many Autistic individuals unable to work or who need support workers well into adulthood. Tiptoeing around the disability part undermines how many hardships Autistic people face, and how much ASD impacts our communities and society as a whole. As a society we are finally understanding and accommodating people with neurodivergent brains and special needs. (The word neurodivergent is still underlined as a spelling mistake because it hasn’t been added to all dictionaries yet…)

Solely focusing on someone’s disability can make them feel othered, don’t treat a disabled person so differently, that they could feel outcasted or awkward. Instead, accommodate them in a way that feels respectful and natural. In reality someone is more likely focused on their day or the treatment they receive over whether people are using person-first language. The arrangement of the words people use has never been on my radar, I have far greater priorities when speaking with people about my daughter’s Autism.

I have read that “special needs” is not an accurate phrase to use because we all have the same needs: to be loved, accepted, nurtured, the right to healthcare and education. That is definitely true, but Autistic individuals do still have special needs, or different needs; and that is okay! I really don’t think there is anything wrong with recognizing the differences between typical and atypical. I think while we all need to have our basic needs met and human rights respected, we are all unique and diverse people who have different wants and needs, to pretend otherwise is disingenuous. I don’t mean that disrespectfully! Please remember this is MY opinion, and while I know others share in my opinions, I understand many disagree with me about this and I’m okay with that. I have thought a lot about this subject, I have considered perspectives other than my own, and what I’m writing here today is what makes the most sense to me. We all have our own biases that shape our perspective on these topics. What I cannot be okay with, is when we tell others they MUST use certain terminology and have certain opinions. Autism is extremely complex, and these conversations must be nuanced to be authentic.

In closing, saying Autism isn’t a disability negatively impacts the Autistic community who are still fighting so hard for understanding. There are still people who believe if you can communicate and seem to be functioning typically, you cannot be Autistic. Many of us with invisible disabilities get ignorant comments all the time because there is still a lack of awareness. Myself, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety. It’s also very likely I am Autistic as well, (it would explain so much). I have become an expert at masking my chronic pain, so much so people would never guess I’m in agony. It can be the same for Autism. The spectrum is wildly misunderstood, so I encourage you to have these conversations and correct people (gracefully) when needed. Be real about your disability because with authenticity comes real change.
And if you prefer person-first language, just communicate that respectfully, and give grace if people forget.😊

With love,
Erin.