Life undiagnosed.

– Not having the validation of the diagnosis because you can’t afford the testing and the wait lists are crazy long.
– Never feeling you belong anywhere even when surrounded by the nicest people.
– Being constantly misunderstood and labeled argumentative by family when you just desperately seek understanding and to get to the bottom of issues.
– Over explaining yourself because you want to paint the most accurate picture of your feelings / intentions. Every detail feels equally important.
– Struggling to articulate thoughts. Mixing up words when trying to explain something or not being able to access the words you’re thinking.
– Knowing people think you’re lazy but you have invisible illnesses they’ll never understand.
– Imposture Syndrome.

– Deep loneliness.
– Intense social anxiety and feeling drained easily by socializing.
– Realizing what “shutdown” is where even talking feels agonizing and you always thought you were weird for feeling that.
– Cannot do things you don’t understand or don’t make sense to you.
– Eye contact being extremely uncomfortable.
– Obsessive Compulsive tendencies.
– Replaying conversations over and over.
– Wondering if you also have ADHD or if you’re just often overwhelmed and unsupported.
– Loud noises causes physical pain like stabbing in the ears. Putting together that sensitivity to loud sounds & lights is not a coincidence.
– Realizing you need ear plugs to function in loud social gatherings and to sleep because you can hear every miniscule sound in the house.
– Realizing food aversions weren’t pickiness they are sensory issues to certain textures.
– Persistent sleep issues.
– Growing up feeling stupid which are really undiagnosed learning disabilities you also can’t afford the test for.
– The realization you’ve been masking for years.
– Finally understanding you spent years numbing your trauma and the feeling of being different.
– Realizing you have stims and didn’t know it.
– Seeing the doubt on people’s face when you tell them about you’re neurodiverse.
– Unraveling your own Autism through getting to understand the Spectrum and your child’s Autism.
– Knowing that even if you do manage to get the diagnosis there will always be doubters who will never take the time to fully understand how diverse the spectrum is, and you shouldn’t spend time giving that your energy but it deep down bothers you. Deep down, you just want to be understood and accepted.