The Things I Wish You Would Understand: A Letter To My Family.

I Wish You Would Understand, It’s Not That I Expect Your Life To Revolve Around My Child, Or Our Problems. It’s Not That I Expect You To Even Put Us At The Top Of Your Priority List – It’s Just So Incredibly Lonely Sometimes, And I Wish You Would Notice.

I Wish You Would Notice Our Suffering, The Sleepless Nights, The Endless Appointments And Research.

I Wish You Would Notice How The Spark Has Drained From My Eyes, And That I Don’t Make Art Anymore. I Wish You Would Understand How Much It Pains Me To Have No Energy Left For My Art.

I Wish You Would See How Incredibly Tired I Am, And That I’m Constantly Holding Back Tears When I Talk About Our Obstacles. I Feel Like A Shell Of Myself.

I Wish You Would Understand That Through My Daughter’s Autism I Have Discovered Many Things About Myself That Are Not Typical. I Don’t Resonate With Autism For Attention, Or For A Label. I Have ALWAYS Felt Different, Like I Didn’t Belong Anywhere – I Still Do.

I Wish You Would Understand That It’s Not That I Hold Grudges, I Just Struggle Letting Go Of The Hurt, Because My Brain Won’t Let Me. When I’m Faced With A Problem, I Cannot Stop The Urge Of Wanting To Find Solutions For It.

 I Wish You Would Understand That I’m Not Argumentative I Just Over Explain Myself Because I NEED To Be Understood Clearly, But Sometimes It Makes Communication Worse And I’m Sorry.

I Wish You Would Understand That Having Chronic Pain Can Make Life Unbearable, And I Wish I Had A Village To Help Me Carry The Weight.

I Wish You Would Understand That Growing Up With A Strained Relationship With My Mother Has Affected Me In Ways I’m Still Discovering. Mother’s Day Will Always Be Bittersweet.

I Wish You Would Understand I Still Need A Mother And A Father, And The Kids Miss Their Grandparents.
 
I Wish You Would Understand That My Sensitive Nature Is Not Bad Thing, My Empathy And Compassion Are A Light In This World.

I Wish You Would Understand That It Feels Like The Weight Of The World Is On My Shoulders, But I Feel Guilty For Complaining Because I’m Still Blessed Despite It All.

I Wish You Would Understand That The Worry And The Pain And The Lack Of Support Makes Me Feel Like I Could Crumble Any Minute.

I Wish You Would Understand That Despite All Our Problems, I Still Love You. Despite The Fights We’ve Had, Nothing On Earth Could Prevent Me From Loving You.

I Wish, I Wish We Were Closer….
I Wish…You Understood… Me.