No Stone Unturned.

Am I Patient Enough? Do I Discipline Enough? Am I Too Lenient? Do I Work On Routine Enough? Have I Done Enough Research? Have I Left Any Stone Unturned? These Are Some Of The Questions That Plague My Mind Every Night. Being A Parent To An Autistic Child Is By Far The Most Exhausting And Soul Crushing Responsibility I’ve Ever Had. It Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Love My Child, Or That I Regret Becoming A Parent; But You Battle With Yourself Just As Much As You Do With Your Child, If Not More.

“Am I Enough For Them?”, ” Am I Letting Them Down?”, These Questions Always Find Me. People Will Say That You’re Doing Everything You Can, And That You’re Only Human…You Have Needs Too…But You Never Quite Let That Guilt Go. You Never Fully Believe That You’ve Exhausted All The Resources And Have Done Everything In Your Power To Be The Best Parent You Can Be; No Mom I’ve Ever Talked To Has Felt At Rest With This Anyway. It Can Feel Like Your Child Deserves More, A Better, More Qualified Parent. A Parent That Can Regulate And Balance Everything Better. One Maybe That Has All Their Stuff Together.

But Do Any Of Us Have Our Stuff Together, Really? I Think Every Parent Is Guilty Of Comparing Themselves To Other Families, But I Assure You, No One Has It All Figured Out. We’re All Just Taking Our Best Guess At What’s Right. The Never-Ending Wave Of Information Out There Is Overwhelming And At Times Conflicting. Sure, We May Consult Doctors And Professionals, We May Even Read Some Articles Or Go To Therapy. At The End Of The Day, We Don’t Know If We’ve Done The Right Thing Until It’s Said And Done. (And Let’s Be Honest, Even The Professionals Don’t Have It All Figured Out).
So, Take Some Peace Knowing That You’re Not Alone In Feeling Sucky – This Society Is Not Set Up To See You Succeed. We Have To Move Mountains And Manage Meltdowns Well Past The “Threenager” Stage All While Not Getting Our Own Needs Met A Lot Of The Time. You’re Doing The Best You Can, And Some Days The Best You Can Will Look Like Asking For A Break, Or Sobbing Uncontrollably, Or Neglecting The Dishes For A Couple Days. Make Time To Take Care Of You, When We Forget To Take Care Of Ourselves It Can Get Very Dark, And We Can’t Help Others If We Don’t Help Ourselves Too. If You’ve Left A Stone Unturned, You Will Discover It. Give Yourself Some Grace.

I’ll Make Sure To Reread This When I Need To Take My Own Advice.

Love,
Erin.